At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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