Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
