I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i will never coherently bang her
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
