he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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