remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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