he puts the penis in happiness.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
