It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
