community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
