her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
