Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
porn star boner night. come get it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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