9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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