guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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