Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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