I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
