im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
