before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
