I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
