Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
