I am midnight drunk by noon
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
