Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My hand turned me down
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
