The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
birth control should be required to get into college
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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