i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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