I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
