he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
