Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
