im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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