how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
