Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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