my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
