She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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