Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
