This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this just has baby written all over it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
