I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
