ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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