I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
