just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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