Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
