Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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