Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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