i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
