Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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