Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
