i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
