I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
