I'm laying in your front yard are you home
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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