Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
