I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
