can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
