So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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