So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
