I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
