I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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