He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
