I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
