Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
