that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
