i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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