At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
