Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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