so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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