Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
