Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
