Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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