i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
