aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
