Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want to make out with him forever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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