This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
