I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Randomize
