If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
