just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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