And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
