I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
