Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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