omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
