Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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