thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
