For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
