I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
