Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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