he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize