listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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