he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
